the best

the best things in life are spontaneous. #truth

If you really knew me--open mic final

If you really knew me you'd know I'm a little scared. A little scared to recite this thing, a little scared to get a haircut, a little scared to admit that I'm an adult, and a little scared to see my dad. But if you really knew me, you'd know I have no fears. You'd know I was kinda bored while falling out of a plane in October. You'd know I have way too many clothes and I do my laundry once every other month. You'd know I've read 5 books in the month of May. You'd know human interaction is my scapegoat and you'd know my life revolves around country music. If you really knew me, you'd know my life was made when I made Mr. Nelson's top 5 blog posts and you'd know I've never been in love and I doubt I ever will be. You'd know I wish I didn't have an iPhone cuz maybe I'd be able to see the world around me a little better and you'd know I love my life more than you love yours. You'd know I'm going to 3 different continents this summer and I've never been out of the country. You'd know I run 10 miles on Thursdays because I've made it a tradition and I don't break those. If you really knew me, you'd know I cry about two times a year and you'd know I live in a house with 6 bedrooms with just my mom. You'd know I wish more than anything that I had a big family and you'd know I've never once been to attendance school but I never go to class. You'd know I'm really grumpy for at least 3 hours after a nap. You'd know I wish I played soccer instead of volleyball and you'd know I don't know how to talk to boys I like. You'd know I'd tell you what you don't wanna hear if you asked. You'd know I'm not Mormon and that I hope I never will be. You'd know I am the laziest piece of crap sometimes and my mom really hates me for it. If you really knew me, you'd know I wish makeup had never been invented and I'm always cold. You'd know I crack my knuckles every hour. You'd know I take pride in the ugly faces I can make. And you'd know I'm only reciting this speech to get an A. Thank you.

Competition

Competition was fabricated in me. It's in my veins, blood, skin, heart. It's who I am. And I win every time. I'm always better. Sports have always been my ventilation but here's the thing. I don't play them anymore. I thought doing my own thing and having a life was what I wanted and I've loved every minute of it but I thrive to compete even more now.  I thought I wanted a life instead of being suffocated by 6am workouts every morning in college and practices after class every day. So without sports, I fight with everyone around me. I fight until I prove I'm right and even after I've proved it I don't stop. I guess I crave to be better than you all, which I already know I am, but it's fun to prove it til its death.


I need my sport back............ 

The Town of White Mormons

This place is the best. You may hate Utah. You may hate Happy Valley. You may hate Alpine, Highland, Cedar Hills.... And so do I... But I'd rather live here than anywhere else. It's got everything you need, everything you could want. Except for diversity and the beach. But still, be grateful. 

Dreaming a nightmare

"Don't forget to say your prayers," she says. And the lights go out.






But I don't dream. I don't dream cuz I had it. I just want it back. So I lay in bed with my eyes wide open wondering when you're comin back. 

I remember when we first met. It was some time late in October. You were lazy about it, you made me wait around for the seasons to change. But I was so crazy about you that I didn't mind. Do you remember? 

So I was late for class, makin sure I parked by you and your car wasn't easy to find. I guess I was afraid that if I didn't watch you leave, I'd never be sure you'd roll back in my direction. Do you remember? 

We'd sit on your little blue couch watching movie after movie, but I can't say I remember a single one of them cuz you kept me laughin through the stodgy noise. You'd wrap your scrawny little arm around my body and pull me into that hallow chest of yours. We sat and watched our phones dance as our friends called. And we'd laugh. Laugh at how they had no idea where we were. Laugh at how we were having the time of our lives without them. And we'd laugh just to laugh cuz we knew this wouldn't last forever. Do you remember? 

And we'd run around your house with your radiant little family. I think they liked me more than you. And on nights we couldn't see each other I'd come pick you up after the moon awoke over the mountain and we'd drive around town with our troubles in the wind cuz we knew this wouldn't last forever. Do you remember?

And when you met my mom, well she actually kinda liked you and that clever cunning attitude of yours. She saw the twinkle in our eyes and the beaming of my heart. She knew. She knew it wouldn't last forever.

I belted that ol' twangy country to you along the back roads and you just about ripped your ears out, but you sucked it up cuz you knew when I pretended to be Taylor Swift, I was in my happy place. Do you remember?

But somehow, somewhere along the way, you pried the train off its tracks and we went tumbling into the busy city full of chaos and commotion. You managed to destroy what we had for no reason. You got wrapped up in the stupid commodities of life and never learned to break away. So you sit here and try to win me back acting all entitled. Well hell, I don't want you back. I want what we had and I want things to go back to the way they were and I want you to be more than satisfied with what we had. Yeah, sure. But you'll never get a love like that back. You'll never get it back. But I knew. I knew it wouldn't last forever.

So I open my flimsy eye lids and realize that this is never coming back. Things will never be the same. So it's time for me to move on, stop dreaming. Wake up and smell reality. The taste is so bitter, but that's life. Bitter. With a little flavor of sweet that is ever so small. Bittersweet is how I like to look at it.

But at least I have my dreams--bittersweet.

B0N3$

My bones said to be tough. They told me to suck it up, get over it, move on, and plaster that deceiving little smile across my face. 

My bones told me to drink milk til my bones were unbreakable. So I drank, and I drank, and I drank, til my bones were indestructible. 

My bones said to not let anything effect me. Who cares if you're injured, just keep playin the game. 

My bones said people will hurt you again&again&again. Being vulnerable and open was pathetic. 

My bones said love was rare so don't hand it out like candy. 

My bones said to protect my heart, guard it with the unbreakable skin. They said to not let love in and not let love out. 

Don't let people hurt you. And if somehow they do, don't let them know what they accomplished. 

That's what my bones said. That. Is what my bones said. 

But I told my bones to shut up.

I told them love was the only cure. 

I told my bones that letting people hurt me was part of growing up. 

I told my bones that being strong didn't mean keeping thick walls around my heart, but holding my head high when those walls were pushed down. 

Let love in, let love out. 

Shut up, Bones.

M&S

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes,
I struggle to find any truth in your lies.
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know,
My weakness I feel I must finally show.

Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all,
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall.
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see,
But your soul you must keep, totally free.